{"id":392,"date":"2015-10-15T13:03:35","date_gmt":"2015-10-15T19:03:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/?p=392"},"modified":"2016-10-02T14:40:44","modified_gmt":"2016-10-02T20:40:44","slug":"more-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/2015\/10\/15\/more-time\/","title":{"rendered":"More Time"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/hourglass.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-393\" src=\"http:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/hourglass-150x150.jpg\" alt=\"hourglass\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" \/><\/a>Not time, more of it. It\u2019s been scarce since I became a mother. Worst, it is scornful now. If I\u2019m enjoying myself, it runs away. If I\u2019m dreading the moment, it stays longer, it gives itself \u201cmore\u201d to me. It allows me to bask in sorrow.<\/p>\n<p>Not consciously, I stumbled on the solution, skepticism. A certain inability to fully enjoy anything. Either because, like most parents I\u2019m constantly overworked and my house is untidy as can be, \u201cWould it kill those little people to clean up after themselves?\u201d or because of a natural numbness that comes with lack of sleep. For quite many years I couldn\u2019t fully enjoy myself, no matter what. An air of disdain was always present, any comment, pleasant ones, would be met with a whiff of sarcasm, \u201cThis chicken-parm is the best I ever had.\u201d \u201cEh.\u201d \u201cYour daughter is so well behaved.\u201d \u201cFor a four year old, I guess.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That phase is long gone. It was instrumental in fulfilling my constant quest for more time though. When I\u2019m having the best of times, most of them with my family, my teenage daughters agree to have a game night, \u201cLike old times, mom,\u201d they say, but now they are worthy adversaries, it\u2019s on. I take a deep breath and divide my focus, I\u2019m a participant, not fully, I hold the incredulity of the skeptics and act as an observant, a voyeur, of their fun. Instead of giving myself completely to the moment, I hold back and commit to memory each laugh, each twinkle in their eyes as they think they are about to win, each grimacing expression when they lose, and all their victory dances. Take that, time. I have memory, photos and videos also help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Not time, more of it. It\u2019s been scarce since I became a mother. Worst, it is scornful now. If I\u2019m enjoying myself, it runs away. If I\u2019m dreading the moment, it stays longer, it gives itself \u201cmore\u201d to me. It allows me to bask in sorrow. Not consciously, I stumbled on the solution, skepticism. A [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[99,60,36],"tags":[88],"class_list":["post-392","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal-essays","category-personal-notes","category-writing","tag-time"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/392","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=392"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/392\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":509,"href":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/392\/revisions\/509"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=392"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=392"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.adrigomes.com\/literaryexchange\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=392"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}